Do You Really Need Seven Hours of Sleep?

An article retrieved from Yahoo.

By Temma Ehrenfeld Newsweek Web Exclusive
Feb 19, 2008 Updated: 12:25 p.m. ET Feb 19, 2008

Yep, you do.

Although people do vary in how much sleep they need, the differences are slight, and the vast majority of us (including seniors) need seven to eight hours. Most people who regularly get less than seven hours of rest are simply unaware of the damage that fatigue and sleepiness is doing to their bodies. Chronic "short-sleepers," as scientists call them, have forgotten what it feels like to be well-rested, says Robert Rosenberg, medical director of the Sleep Disorders Center of Prescott Valley, in Arizona.

The evidence indicates that a person who regularly sleeps less than seven hours a night functions as badly as someone who hasn't slept for one to three days, according to a research review published in the Journal of Clinical Sleep Medicine last year. Furthermore, the largest current longitudinal studies (one involving 21,268 people and another 10,308) showed that sleep-deprivation increased mortality: the chance of dying younger than people of the same age, gender and health-risk factors. In the larger study researchers at the Finnish Institute of Occupational Health assessed the sleep habits of the group in 1975 and 1981 and then checked to see who was still alive on Dec. 31, 2003. After comparing subjects' survival rates to the average for people of the same age (and adjusting for other known death risks, like smoking), the researchers concluded that lack of sleep increased mortality in the study participants by 26 percent for men and 21 percent for women. The cause of death might be accidents, or diseases exacerbated by sleep-deprivation. Other current research indicates that lack of sleep affects the body's hormones, immune system and metabolism; hence, it can be a risk factor for obesity, diabetes and heart disease.

To evaluate the quality of your own sleep—and whether you're getting enough—try these tools offered by the American Academy of Sleep Medicine.

Am I in a Healthy Relationship?

Sometimes it feels impossible to find someone who's right for you - and who thinks you're right for him or her! So when it happens, you're usually so psyched that you don't even mind when your little brother finishes all the ice cream or your English teacher chooses the one day when you didn't do your reading to give you a pop quiz.

It's totally normal to look at the world through rose-colored glasses in the early stages of a relationship. But for some people, those rose-colored glasses turn into blinders that keep them from seeing that a relationship isn't as healthy as it should be.

What Makes a Healthy Relationship?

Hopefully, you and your significant other are treating each other fabulously. Not sure if that's the case? Take a step back from the dizzying sensation of being swept off your feet and think about whether your relationship has these qualities:

Mutual respect - Does he or she get how cool you are and why? (Watch out if the answer to the first part is yes but only because you're acting like someone you're not!) The key is that your BF or GF is into you for who you are - for your great sense of humor, your love of reality TV, etc. Does your partner listen when you say you're not comfortable doing something and then back off right away? Respect in a relationship means that each person values who the other is and understands - and would never challenge - the other person's boundaries.

Trust - You're talking with a guy from French class, and your boyfriend walks by. Does he completely lose his cool or keep walking because he knows you'd never cheat on him? It's OK to get a little jealous sometimes - jealousy is a natural emotion. But how a person reacts when he or she feels jealous is what matters. There's no way you can have a healthy relationship if you don't trust each other.

Honesty - This one goes hand-in-hand with trust because it's tough to trust someone when one of you isn't being honest. Have you ever caught your girlfriend in a major lie? Like she told you that she had to work on Friday night but it turned out she was at the movies with her friends? The next time she says she has to work, you'll have a lot more trouble believing her and the trust will be on shaky ground.

Support - It's not just in bad times that your partner should support you. Some people are great when your whole world is falling apart but can't take being there when things are going right (and vice versa). In a healthy relationship, your significant other is there with a shoulder to cry on when you find out your parents are getting divorced and to celebrate with you when you get the lead in a play.

Fairness/equality - You need to have give-and-take in your relationship, too. Do you take turns choosing which new movie to see? As a couple, do you hang out with your partner's friends as often as you hang out with yours? It's not like you have to keep a running count and make sure things are exactly even, of course. But you'll know if it isn't a pretty fair balance. Things get bad really fast when a relationship turns into a power struggle, with one person fighting to get his or her way all the time.

Separate identities - In a healthy relationship, everyone needs to make compromises. But that doesn't mean you should feel like you're losing out on being yourself. When you started going out, you both had your own lives - your own families, friends, interests, hobbies, etc. - and that shouldn't change. Neither of you should have to pretend to like something you don't, or give up seeing your friends, or drop out of activities you love. And you also should feel free to keep developing new talents or interests, making new friends, and moving forward.

Good communication - You've probably heard lots of stuff about how men and women don't seem to speak the same language. We all know how many different meanings the little phrase "no, nothing's wrong" can have, depending on who's saying it! But what's important is to ask if you're not sure what he or she means, and speak honestly and openly so that the miscommunication is avoided in the first place. Never keep a feeling bottled up because you're afraid it's not what your BF or GF wants to hear or because you worry about sounding silly. And if you need some time to think something through before you're ready to talk about it, the right person will give you some space to do that if you ask for it.

What's an Unhealthy Relationship?

A relationship is unhealthy when it involves mean, disrespectful, controlling, or abusive behavior. Some people live in homes with parents who fight a lot or abuse each other - emotionally or physically. For some people who have grown up around this kind of behavior it can almost seem normal or OK. It's not! Many of us learn from watching and imitating the people close to us. So someone who has lived around violent or disrespectful behavior may not have learned how to treat others with kindness and respect or how to expect the same treatment.

Qualities like kindness and respect are absolute requirements for a healthy relationship. Someone who doesn't yet have this part down may need to work on it with a trained therapist before he or she is ready for a relationship. Meanwhile, even though you may feel bad or feel for someone who's been mistreated, you need to take care of yourself - it's not healthy to stay in a relationship that involves abusive behavior of any kind.

Warning Signs
Here's some scary news: In one survey, 20% of American girls reported having been hit, slapped, or forced into sexual activity by their partners. This stuff happens to guys, too - they are just less likely to report it. And 40% of all teens said they know someone at school who experienced dating violence. So if you think there's no way it could happen to you or someone you know, think again.

Ask yourself, does my boyfriend or girlfriend:

- get angry when I don't drop everything for him or her?
- criticize the way I look or dress, and say I'll never be able to find anyone else who would date me?
- keep me from seeing friends or from talking to any other guys or girls?
- want me to quit an activity, even though I love it?
- ever raise a hand when angry, like he or she is about to hit me?
- try to force me to go further sexually than I want to?

These aren't the only questions you can ask yourself. If you can think of any way in which your boyfriend or girlfriend is trying to control you, make you feel bad about yourself, isolate you from the rest of your world, or - this is a big one - harm you physically or sexually, then it's time to get out, fast. Let a trusted friend or family member know what's going on and make sure you're safe. It can be tempting to make excuses or misinterpret violence as an expression of love. But even if you know that the person hurting you loves you, it is not healthy. No one deserves to be hit, shoved, or forced into anything he or she doesn't want to do.

Why Are Some Relationships So Difficult?

Ever heard about how it's hard for someone to love you when you don't love yourself? It's a big relationship roadblock when one or both people struggle with self-esteem problems. Your girlfriend or boyfriend isn't there to make you feel good about yourself if you can't do that on your own. Focus on being happy with yourself, and don't take on the responsibility of worrying about someone else's happiness.

What if you feel that your girlfriend or boyfriend needs too much from you? If the relationship feels like a burden or a drag instead of a joy, it may be time to think about whether it's a healthy match for you. Someone who's not happy or secure may have trouble being a healthy relationship partner.

Also, intense relationships can be hard for some teenagers. Some are so focused on their own developing feelings and responsibilities that they don't have the emotional energy it takes to respond to someone else's feelings and needs in a close relationship. Don't worry if you're just not ready yet. You will be, and you can take all the time you need.

Ever notice that some teen relationships don't last very long? It's no wonder - you're still growing and changing every day, and it can be tough to put two people together whose identities are both still in the process of forming. You two might seem perfect for each other at first, but that can change. If you try to hold on to the relationship anyway, there's a good chance it will turn sour. Better to part as friends than to stay in something that you've outgrown or that no longer feels right for one or both of you. And before you go looking for amour from that hottie from French class, respect your current beau by breaking things off before you make your move.

Relationships can be one of the best - and most challenging - parts of your world. They can be full of fun, romance, excitement, intense feelings, and occasional heartache, too. Whether you're single or in a relationship, remember that it's good to be choosy about who you get close to. If you're still waiting, take your time and get to know plenty of people. Think about the qualities you value in a friendship and see how they match up with the ingredients of a healthy relationship. Work on developing those good qualities in yourself - they make you a lot more attractive to others. And if you're already part of a pair, make sure the relationship you're in brings out the best in both of you.

Updated and reviewed by: Barbara P. Homeier, MD

Date reviewed: August 2005

Originally reviewed by: D'Arcy Lyness, PhD

WHAT MAKES AN INJURY UNFORGIVABLE?

Life is filled with all kinds of personal hurts: white lies, broken promises, even physical injuries. Most of the wounds we experience, though, are not unforgivable. We put them behind us and go on. Unforgivable injuries, however, cannot simply be put aside or ignored. They are different from burglaries, muggings, and other attacks by unknown assailants. These damage people, but since they do not involve love, they do not force people to reevaluate their assumptions about love and being loved.

Unforgivable injuries, on the other hand, permanently change the injured parties. There are five major characteristics that make an injury unforgivable:

1. Unforgivable injuries start with a singular event that signals a betrayal.
2. They are initiated by intimate injurers.
3. They are moral wounds; they shatter a person's concept of morality.
4. They assault a person's most fundamental belief systems.
5. They are deeply personal and therefore relative from wounded person to wounded person.

THE AFTERMATH OF INJURY
In the immediate wake of an unforgivable injury, enormous emotional upheaval takes place. There is shock, confusion, disbelief, rage, helplessness, and a kind of terrible impotence. Many wounded people also experience physical disturbance--headaches, sleeplessness, weight loss. Some also drink heavily. The period can last for weeks and even months; but it is entirely normal. Some initial reactions include:

SELF-BLAME: In the aftermath period, injured people are searching for reason. "How could this have happened?" or "What could I have done to prevent this?" are common questions. There is an important, almost universal reason for this reaction: It allows a wounded person to make at least some sense out of a world turned upside-down.
Self-blame gives people hope, because they believe that if they can change themselves, they may be able to prevent the full loss of an unforgivable injury. It also allows them to believe that if they have control over themselves, they can still have some control over the events in their lives.

RAGE: When our beliefs are taken from us, we are filled with wrath. Some people express rage openly and externally; others turn it on themselves.

LOVE: The love fragmented by the wound of an unforgivable injury takes an odd configuration. Permeated with hate, sorrow, guilt, and impotent pain, it still struggles to restore itself into a whole; to survive.

Almost all wounded people continue to love their injurers. Love is, after all, not only a feeling but a habit. For marriage partners, love is supposed to endure beyond times of trouble. Losing your ideals and habits is equivalent to losing yourself. It is hard enough to have been hurt, to have figuratively had a part of yourself blown away. But to give up the remainder of yourself-the love in your heart-is like losing everything. So when people let go of love, they have to feel the full force of an unforgivable injury. They have to grieve over the loss of a history with another person and for a future that will not be. They also have to grieve over the parts of themselves that are gone.

An article from Yahoo!

I'll Be There

When we're down and troubled and we need a helping hand...we often contemplate the meaning of friendship. The common belief is that when times are tough, true friends are there. But I think those times are the easiest tests of a friendship.

In one interesting study on helping, participants were instructed to give a person clues - some easy, others hard - to help that person complete a task. When the task was described as a game, participants gave easier clues to friends than to strangers. However, when the task was presented as serious, participants were more likely to help a stranger than a friend.

Sadly, too often we feel threatened by the successes of our friends, particularly if we are uncomfortable with ourselves. Strangers don't threaten us this way. Moreover, being kind to strangers helps us think well of ourselves and overlook the subtle ways we may have mistreated a friend.

If I am prone to competing with a friend and that friend is in trouble, then, crassly speaking, I am "one up." Anyone who listens to another's woes can feel one up or superior, which is why it is reasonably easy to find a sympathetic ear. This is similar to feeling good when helping someone; the helper is superior to the person in need. My remarks are not meant to belittle the kindnesses we extend to each other in times of need. Instead, they highlight a feature often overlooked when considering a friendship: Can this "friend" be truly happy for us?

It's easy to say, "I'm very happy for you." But how can we tell when the speaker is sincere? We might test this by sharing only good news for a short time. Can this person listen to these details? Is it easy for us to share them? If not, it may be because we are subtly trained to complain. Let me explain by way of example.

I recently went on a wonderful trip that gave me many exciting stories. On the downside, my pocketbook was stolen at the airport on my return home. After my initial negative feelings subsided, I was not as bothered by the theft as one might think, given the way this negative information figured into my stories. I felt some listeners might more easily share my enthusiasm about the trip if they were also given this negative information. But upon reflection, this idea made me sad. I questioned why I exaggerated my bad feelings with some people. It was not premeditated; instead, all of the subtle nonverbal cues I received from them in these few conversations led me in this direction. I did not, however, do this with my closest friends - they were clearly just happy for me.

Reexperiencing our joys in the telling of them should not diminish those joys - it reduces the original experiences. The effect is very subtle: When we complain, the listener seems so comforting that it can be difficult to recognize the negative dynamic that may be operating. The listener, too, may be oblivious given the supportive frame for the consoling interaction. It gives new meaning to the saying, "A friend in need, is a friend in deed." Ironically, the complainer is the friend in deed.

In my view, a real friend can be happy for someone independent of his or her own life experience. We may be able to do this if we don't compete with or envy others. We may also be more likely to put competitiveness and envy aside by recognizing that the relationship is not zero-sum: one winner and one loser. This stance - that the more one has, the less the other has - unwittingly robs both parties. Sharing someone's happiness can be its own positive experience and enable us to enjoy and relive it together. Attention to this mutual, positive need will likely be noticed and, in the long run, better serve the friendship.

Just think about it: Wouldn't it be nice to have a friend, indeed, support this need?

An article from Yahoo!

The body language of cats

Cats make wonderful pets, either for family or someone living alone. Understanding their body language can help you figure out what your pet is thinking.

Dedicated cat owners will tell you that their feline “babies” are expert at communicating their needs (and wants) to their owners. While cat personalities are as diverse as their color patterns, they all share certain types of body language that you can rely upon to help gauge the mood of your favorite feline.

Cats are finicky, not just in their food choices, but also in their people preferences. If they are treated well, most cats will become as attached to their human families as dogs will, and they’ll demonstrate that affection in many small ways. By being alert to the signals your pet is sending to you, you can reinforce these behaviors and create a long and satisfying relationship with your pet. Cat body language is not difficult to interpret, but here’s a little help for beginners.

Arched back – If your cat’s fur is standing on end while he’s arching his back, either something has frightened him, or he’s ready for battle. If an aggressive cat has received enough of a fright, his arched back and fluffed fur is a sign that he will attack. Don’t make the mistake of thinking that your cat won’t bite or scratch you if you try to pick him up when he’s in this mood. Instinct takes over, and he won’t be able to control his fighting impulses even though he’d never scratch or bite his human friend under normal circumstances. If you have to remove him from a dangerous situation, either throw a blanket over him before picking him up or spray him with water from a spray bottle. Do not try to handle him until he calms down. Sometimes cats, especially kittens, will arch their back and fluff their fur in play. Usually when this happens, they’ll do a little dance backwards or sideways on their toes as they try to interest a playmate to join them. An aggressive cat will growl and hiss.

Kneading – Usually accompanied by purring, kneading indicates a contented kitty. Experts say that kneading is a habit leftover from that happy time when your pet was a kitten and kneading stimulated milk flow from the mother cat. Adult cats that are heavily into kneading will sometimes accompany it with drooling and a gentle kicking action of their hind legs.

Leg rubbing – This is the primary and most common display of “I love you” that your cat can bestow upon you. Cats have sebaceous glands on their faces that secrete a distinctive smell, which is undetectable by humans. Your cat is covering you with these pheromones and marking you for her very own. It doesn’t matter if she’s rubbing against your legs or indulging in a little head butting, the process and intent are the same.

Purring – Purring usually is a sign of contentment, but it can mean other things as well. It can be used to comfort in times of stress or pain.

Eye Contact:
- Wide opened eyes show that your cat is alert and interested in his surroundings.
- If he looks directly at you with his eyes half-closed, he’s feeling lovable and wouldn’t mind being petted.
- Eyes opened only to narrow slits show he’s feeling tense about something, possibly an imminent attack from another cat.

Ear Signals:
Perked – If kitty’s ears are up or forward, she’s curious about whatever she’s looking at.
Back – Look out. She is not a happy camper.

Tail Talk:
Quivering – We had a cat once that would back up against us, bump his hip up against us, straighten his tail as high as it would go, stand still and quiver it. Some cat lovers believe this is the best display of affection that your cat can show you.

Twitching – There’s something exciting outside that window. Maybe a bird swooped in close, or a squirrel scampered by. Maybe even another cat or the neighbor’s dog had the nerve to trespass in your yard while your cat was engaged in her favorite pastime, windowsill sitting.

Swishing – Small movements can indicate excitement, similar to twitching, while broad swishing mean she’s annoyed about something. If she’s swishing her tail in an agitated manner, it’s best to leave her alone until she settles down.

Bad Kitty:
Biting – Just because your cat is lying on her back in a spot of sun on the floor doesn’t mean that she would enjoy a tummy rub. Some cats enjoy tummy rubs, but others will grab your hand with their paws and bite. Tummies are sensitive areas for cats, and if you have one that enjoys a good rub, consider it a great compliment that she trusts you with the most vulnerable part of her body.

Scratching – When your cat shreds the curtains or the living room upholstery, most likely she’s not just trying to annoy you. Scratching comes naturally to cats. It’s how they trim their claws in the wild and exercise their back muscles by stretching. Cats love to sit at windows, and often their claws will catch on the draperies. As they try to shake their paw loose, the curtain will suffer for the experience. Vertical blinds can eliminate this problem. They shed cat fur and will move to allow your pet entry to the windowsill. Providing kitty with a sisal or carpet scratch post as soon as you get her will encourage her to use that instead of your furniture when she feels the need to scratch. Some cats will, however, do things to get attention and make a game of running away before you can catch up to them. Try to be consistent and use a water spray bottle to discourage unwanted behavior.

Stalking – If you notice your pet peeking out at you from around a doorway as you walk past, be careful. You’ve been designated the prey for a game of hunting. You can expect a sneak attack from the rear as you walk down the hallway. People with mobility and balance problems need to be extra careful if they discover that their cat enjoys this type of game.

Cats are wonderful creatures and make loving family pets. With a lot of love and a little common sense, you and your cat can enjoy many happy moments together.

(Dedicated this page to Tennoo)

Secrets of the laugh in flirting, dating and relationships

The laugh is related more to speech than to emotions and is used in social settings with others. People seldom laugh when not with others. We use the laugh as a nonverbal punctuation to our speech. The laugh is usually produced in response to embarrassment, excitement, or humor. Laughter provides relief from stress by releasing pain-killing, euphoria-producing endorphins, enkephalins, dopamine, noradrenaline and adrenaline. Socially, laughter unites us as friendly allies against outsiders and against forces beyond our control. In groups of children, women or men, laughter strengthens bonds of comradeship.

Unlike the smile, which is more related to old brain limbic system survival and mating instincts, the laugh comes from the new brain frontal lobes, as well as centers of the motor and cognitive cerebral cortex. These are relatively recent additions in our new brain evolutionary development. This means that the laugh has much to do with our speech punctuation and is more controllable than the real smile. This is both good and bad. The good side is that we can consciously control our laughter and even practice and improve it for most effectiveness as communication in our daily relationships. The bad side is it can be used inappropriately in social settings.

It is not uncommon for someone under stress to laugh too much and too loud, much to the annoyance of others. Unfortunately they stand out in negative ways they are not aware of and they sabotage possibly good relationships. The person who is laughing too much and too loud is showing they are nervous and uncomfortable. They are trying to tell others to relax and be comfortable with them. This is just to compensate for their own emotional stress and discomfort.

Laughter may be triggered by something we see, hear, or feel, but rarely by smell or taste. Often it involves a complex or clever situation that only intellectual understanding brings out the humor or absurdity that makes us laugh. This is not the old brain limbic system working and therefore most likely is not related to our survival or mating instincts. Laughter is much more complex.

Laughter has beneficial health effects according to Teresa Holley at the National Naval Medical Center Health Promotion. Scientific research now indicates the curative and stress-relieving power of laughter extends well beyond what was previously thought. During a hearty laugh, there is a slight rise in heart rate and blood pressure. Then after the laugh, the blood pressure sinks below pre-laugh levels. Also the brain may release pain-relieving hormones. A good strong laugh also provides a massage for the facial muscles, the diaphragm and abdomen. In his book "Anatomy of An Illness," Norman Cousins cited laughter as an effective tool for promoting the healing process. He states, "Laughter is internal jogging."

Our personal laugh is a true social language art that deserves practicing and improving just as we have to practice talking and public speaking. Developing a good laugh can provide you with a valuable tool for improving your flirting, dating and all other relationships. According to one national magazine survey, more than anything else on a first date, women want men to make them laugh.

6 Reasons Why We Lie

We all lie, but why do we lie?

Sure, lying is both useful and sometimes even fun, yet there are fundamental reasons why we lie.

These main reasons are:
1. Fear of harm: The easiest reason to understand why we lie is for self protection, including self deception, to prevent harm to ourselves. This harm can be either physical or mental.

2. Fear of conflict: To some degree, we all fear having an argument.

3. Fear of punishment: When growing up, how often did we lie about how well we did in school, or who started a fight? How often do we cover up our mistakes and transgressions?

4. Fear of rejection: Sometimes, our insecurities are the foundation of why we lie to each other, because we want to be remain popular in our relationships. Typically, it is harmless boasting to make ourselves appear more admirable to other people.

5. Fear of loss: This is usually the loss of personal objects, such as money or expensive valuables. Greed is the foundation for this reason and can be found in each of us. We often lie to make ourselves more desirable to other people too. Most common, people lie for fear of losing an opportunity to have sex. Other times, when our self esteem starts to decline, we even lie to ourselves as means to prevent loss of morale.

6. Altruistic Reasons: We often lie to help our friends and loved ones. How often do we flattery someone just to make them feel better? This is the only selfless reason why we lie.

Despite all the technical reasons why people lie, it all boils down to this:
The fundamental reason why people lie is because it mostly works.And because lying has become more understood in today’s society, lying has become more acceptable. It has sometimes even become an admirable and useful social skill. That is the Truth about Lies.

Articles from Phil for Humanity

Many people have no idea what a good relationship is all about. Here are the basic ingredients for a healthy intimate relationship.
By:Hara Estroff Marano

Human beings crave intimacy, need to love and be loved. Yet people have much trouble doing so.

It's clear from the many letters I get that lots of folks have no idea what a healthy relationship even looks like. So I'm using this space as an attempt to remedy the problem.

From many sources and many experts, I have culled some basic rules of relationships. This is by no means an exhaustive list. But it's a start. Print them out and pin them up on your refrigerator door.

1. Choose a partner wisely and well. We are attracted to people for all kinds of reasons. They remind us of someone from our past. They shower us with gifts and make us feel important. Evaluate a potential partner as you would a friend; look at their character, personality, values, their generosity of spirit, the relationship between their words and actions, their relationships with others.

2. Know your partner's beliefs about relationships. Different people have different and often conflicting beliefs about relationships. You don't want to fall in love with someone who expects lots of dishonesty in relationships; they'll create it where it doesn't exist.

3. Don't confuse sex with love. Especially in the beginning of a relationship, attraction and pleasure in sex are often mistaken for love.

4. Know your needs and speak up for them clearly. A relationship is not a guessing game. Many people, men as well as women, fear stating their needs and, as a result, camouflage them. The result is disappointment at not getting what they want and anger at a partner for not having met their (unstated) needs. Closeness cannot occur without honesty. Your partner is not a mind reader.

5. View yourselves as a team, which means you are two unique individuals bringing different perspectives and strengths. That, according to relationship expert Diane Sollee, M.S.W., director of SmartMarriages, an international effort to teach relationship skills to couples, is the value of a team—your differences.

6. Know how to respect and manage differences; it's the key to success in a relationship. Disagreements don't sink relationships. Name-calling does. Learn how to handle the negative feelings that are the unavoidable byproduct of the differences between two people. Stonewalling or avoiding conflicts is NOT managing them.

7. If you don't understand or like something your partner is doing, ask about it and why he or she is doing it. Talk and explore, don't assume.

8. Solve problems as they arise. Don't let resentments simmer. Most of what goes wrong in relationships can be traced to hurt feelings, leading partners to erect defenses against one another and to become strangers. Or enemies.

9. Learn to negotiate. Modern relationships no longer rely on roles cast by the culture. Couples create their own roles, so that virtually every act requires negotiation. It works best when good will prevails. Because people's needs are fluid and change over time, and life's demands change too, good relationships are negotiated and renegotiated all the time.

10. Listen, truly listen, to your partner's concerns and complaints without judgment. Much of the time, just having someone listen is all we need. It opens the door to confiding. And empathy is crucial. Look at things from your partner's perspective as well as your own.

11. Work hard at maintaining closeness. Closeness doesn't happen by itself. In its absence, people drift apart and are susceptible to affairs. A good relationship isn't an end goal; it's a lifelong process maintained through regular attention.

12. Take a long-range view. A marriage is an agreement to spend a future together. Check out your dreams with each other regularly to make sure you're both on the same path. Update your dreams regularly.

13. Never underestimate the power of good grooming.

14. Sex is good. Pillow talk is better. Sex is easy, intimacy is difficult. It requires honesty, openness, self-disclosure, confiding concerns, fears, sadnesses as well as hopes and dreams.

15. Never go to sleep angry. Try a little tenderness.

16. Apologize, apologize, apologize. Anyone can make a mistake. Repair attempts are crucial—highly predictive of marital happiness. They can be clumsy or funny, even sarcastic—but willingness to make up after an argument is central to every happy marriage.

17. Some dependency is good, but complete dependency on a partner for all one's needs is an invitation to unhappiness for both partners. We're all dependent to a degree—on friends, mentors, spouses—and men have just as many dependency needs as women.

18. Maintain self-respect and self-esteem. It's easier for someone to like you and to be around you when you like yourself. Research has shown that the more roles people fill, the more sources of self-esteem they have. Meaningful work—paid or volunteer—has long been one of the most important ways to exercise and fortify a sense of self.

19. Enrich your relationship by bringing into it new interests from outside the relationship. The more passions in life that you have and share, the richer your relationship will be. It is unrealistic to expect one person to meet all of your needs in life.

20. Cooperate, cooperate, cooperate. Share responsibilities. Relationships work ONLY when they are two-way streets, with much give and take.

21. Stay open to spontaneity.

22. Maintain your energy. Stay healthy.

23. Recognize that all relationships have their ups and downs and do not ride at a continuous high all the time. No relationship is perfect all the time. Working together through the hard times will make the relationship stronger.

24. Make good sense of a bad relationship by examining it as a reflection of your beliefs about yourself. Don't just run away from a bad relationship; you'll only repeat it with the next partner. Use it as a mirror to look at yourself, to understand what part of you is creating this relationship. Change yourself before you change your relationship.

25. Understand that love is not an absolute, not a limited commodity that you're in of or out of. Says Sollee: It's a feeling that ebbs and flows depending on how you treat each other. If you learn new ways to interact, the feelings can come flowing back, often stronger than before.

Time to Set Kids' Back-to-School Sleep Clocks

FRIDAY, Aug. 17 (HealthDay News) -- Sleep experts are reminding parents that establishing regular sleep habits should be included on children's back-to-school lists.

Children should gradually start adjusting their sleep schedules about two weeks prior to the start of the new school year, according to the National Sleep Foundation. Children need adequate sleep in order to be alert and energized and able to perform their best at school.

"Kids tend to sleep and wake up later during the summer, making the transition to the school-year sleep schedule difficult. As tempting as it is to enjoy sleeping late in the final days of summer break, getting up earlier for school will be much easier if kids begin adjusting their sleep schedules now," Richard Gelula, CEO of the NSF, said in a prepared statement.

The NSF offers the following sleep tips for the start of the school and the rest of the school year:

- Beginning two weeks to 10 days before the start of school, gradually adjust children to earlier sleep and wake times in order to set their biological clocks for the new schedule.
- Keep a regular sleep schedule on weekdays and avoid extreme changes in the routine on weekends.
- Establish a relaxing bedtime routine, such as reading before bed.
- Do not have televisions, computers, video games or other electronics in the bedroom. Don't let children watch television or use electronic devices during the half hour before bedtime.
- Limit caffeine intake, especially after lunch.
- Make sure children eat well and exercise

The NSF also offered sleep advice for parents:

- Set a good example. By adopting good sleep habits, your children are less likely to develop bad sleep habits.
- Talk to children about the importance of healthy sleep and the consequences of sleepiness, such as drowsy driving.
- Parents need to understand that children, including teens, need more sleep than adults.
- Children who have trouble waking in the morning on more than three days a week, or who snore, may not be getting enough sleep. They may need to be evaluated by a specialist.
- Ask teachers whether your child is alert or sleepy during class. If there appears to be a problem, take steps to improve your child's sleep.

More information
The Nemours Foundation has more about children and sleep.

Has Downloading Gone Too Far?

With the use of BitTorrents skyrocketing, has downloading gone too far?

According to many in Tinseltown, this is probably the most dire period in the history of the entertainment industry. The source of all these woes can be traced to the success of another institution: the internet. Yes, in recent weeks, not only have blockbuster projects such as the final Harry Potter book, The Simpsons Movie and fall TV shows from each of the major networks been leaked and downloaded online, but newly released opinion polls also indicate that up to 91% of downloaders intend to continue downloading because they believe that “it’s free.”

Do you think that downloading has gone too far?

by AskMen.com Editors

7 Secrets to Happiness

True joy--not quickie mood boosts but that totally stoked mental state--boils down to these surprising essentials. Behold, your ticket to bliss.
By Meaghan Buchan

We live in a world where there are endless possibilities. Think about it: As women, we have a billion options when it comes to careers, relationships, clothes...hell, even groovy exercise classes. And yet, we’re more bummed out than ever before. Proof: When Americans were surveyed in the 1950s, 53 percent said they were “very happy,” but by the late 1990s, it was down to 30 percent. “Intuitively, having so many choices should make you happier, but it can actually make you feel worse,” says Barry Schwartz, PhD, author of The Paradox of Choice: Why More Is Less. “The more options you have, the higher your expectations, and when your expectations are sky-high, you’re destined for disappointment… no matter how good things get.”
So if such abundance doesn’t make us happy, then what does flip our bliss switch? Is it adopting the lifestyle before we had so many life options? Not entirely. Our parents grew up with fewer choices to make, but assuming their life goals isn’t the answer, because the world isn’t the same place today. The key is actually a mix of things, some timeless and some that relate to this generation. Here, the essential elements.

1 You Need a Solid Core Group of Friends
Look at Carrie from Sex and the City. Through everything from Post-it note breakups to snapped stilettos, she is generally one happy camper. Why? She has her posse. “Friendship is one of life’s main joys,” says David Niven, PhD, author of The 100 Simple Secrets of Happy People. “Spending time with people who really know you affords you the freedom to be yourself, which increases contentment.”
But you don’t need to be the founding member of your own fab four to be happy. “You can have a small close-knit gang or various friends that factor into different areas of your life but aren’t necessarily part of the same group,” says Niven. “What matters most is that you feel open with them and they can be open with you.”
Of course, establishing openness doesn’t just happen. Friendships need nurturing. “In order for the relationship to grow, you have to share bits of your more private thoughts,” says Niven. Maybe that means spilling your secret desire to, say, audition for American Idol. “Once you reveal more of yourself and see that these friends accept you for who you really are, you’ll feel connected and therefore happier,” adds Niven.

2 You Gotta Have Adventures
Quick: Recall your favorite college memory. A hundred bucks says it wasn’t that time you studied really, really hard and got an A minus on your Chem 101 exam. The, um, yum incident with the teacher’s assistant in the lab after class ranks a little higher, no? Thought so. And that’s the point. “If everything you did in life was safe, you’d never have any exhilarating moments or crazy experiences to recall, both of which give you the sense that you’re truly living,” explains Brian Luke Seaward, PhD, author of Quiet Mind, Fearless Heart.
Now, we’re not suggesting that you totally hurl caution to the wind, but don’t get hung up on always staying on the straight and narrow. “People assume that doing the right thing leads to happiness, but actually taking risks does,” says Seaward. For you, that might entail going off on a three-day weekend with a new guy or just wearing that extraslinky minidress.

3 It’s Time to Toss Excess Stuff
If you can barely scrape together enough change to spring for that $4 latte, you’ll love this: Money (and all the crap that you can buy with it) won’t bring you happiness. In fact, when wealthy Americans were surveyed, they reported being only marginally happier than the general public. “When you have limitless funds, you tend to be hellbent on accumulating more,” says New York clinical psychiatrist Janet Taylor. “In the process, you lose the ability to appreciate what you do own and have difficulty feeling fulfilled.”
And you don’t need to be a gazillionaire to get caught in this trap. The problem might be that you just can’t seem to throw anything out. Like your favorite sweater from your high school days, that (hello!) is from the damn Gap, not specially knit by Grandma. “Extra belongings weigh us down and crowd our space, making us feel overwhelmed and disorganized,” says Dr. Taylor. “Lightening up will help you regain control and, therefore, happiness.”
On that lighter note, now is the perfect moment to purge. You don’t have to clean house completely, but you should hold on only to stuff you Love (with a capital L). “If you haven’t used or admired something in six months, part with it. No guilt allowed,” she insists. To be clear: That doesn’t mean stacking things in a giveaway pile in the corner of your room. It entails bagging up the items and disposing of them ASAP—whether you donate them to Goodwill or swap ’em on eBay.

4 A Balance of Busy and Dead Time Is Key
Always zipping around in spaz mode without a second to spare for even a pee break is bound to take a toll on your mood. But so is idling the day away on the couch. “Overextending yourself induces stress, yet it also makes you feel productive, like you’re contributing something, which is very important to happiness,” says Niven. “Similarly, inactivity breeds boredom, which inspires feelings of uselessness and discontent, but lulls are vital.” Essentially, all go-gogo will wipe you out, as will a solid diet of nada, but a mix of both? Bingo!
Okay, so how do you strike the perfect balance? Fill your days with stuff you love (your Tuesday-night step class) and stuff you have to do (balancing your checkbook). Just keep in mind that at the end of the day, you want to feel like “you’ve accomplished something but that you’ve also relaxed,” says Niven. Of course, the toughest part for most of us is learning to let go. For you, it might be enough to vow not to dwell on work after-hours or to schedule regular vacations. Others find meditation helpful. No, you don’t need to lie in the dark, chanting om for 10 hours. A quick eight minutes is all it takes, according to Victor Davich, author of 8 Minute Meditation. To do: Start by sitting upright with your hands on your thighs, palms up. Close your eyes and take a deep breath. Hold it for a two second count, then release, letting your breath ease into its natural rhythm. Focus on keeping this concentration for the eight-minute span and you’ll feel lighter instantly. Really.

5 It’s Crucial to Give In to Temptation
You log overtime at work, hit the gym religiously, stick to a low-fat, no-fun diet, and even remember birthdays. Or maybe you aren’t quite so type A. But you still get to work on time, kiss your boss’s ass when you’d rather kick it, and play nice to your folks. Face it, making it in this world takes some serious discipline, regardless of your personality profile. “The pressure to keep up is so exhausting that it would seem like the payoff for showing such restraint would be great,” says Seaward. “But if you don’t stop to savor something pleasurable, you’re going to wind up miserable.”
Clearly, you must indulge. Some thoughts: Splurge on a gourmet sandwich one day for lunch instead of brown bagging it. Surf the Web rather than returning that hundredth e-mail. Get the deluxe spa pedicure. “When you feel completely overwhelmed, that’s actually when you need to treat yourself the most,” says Seaward.

6 Liking Yourself Is Nonnegotiable
Since you’re human, you have no doubt had one of those “Omigod! I can’t believe I said that” moments, followed by a “Stupid, stupid, stupid” fist to the forehead. Like, say, the time you introduced your guy to Bob the CEO at the office barbecue, only Bob’s name is actually Bill. Then you spent the rest of the night harping on what an idiot you are. “We tend to beat ourselves up, but it’s necessary to let ourselves off the hook,” says Ed Diener, PhD, professor of psychology and leading happiness researcher at the University of Illinois at Urbana-Champaign. “Inevitably, you’re going to make mistakes, and yet you still have to like yourself.”
The same holds true for those so-called physical imperfections that you let deflate you. You know, the slight crook in your nose that you swear makes you a prime candidate for The Swan. We can all point to 10 things that are wrong with us, but the key to happiness is appreciating yourself despite them, adds Diener.
And that ain’t easy. But it’s important to learn to keep your inner critic in check. So for every time you get down on yourself, remind yourself of something you excel at and get comfortable talking yourself up by tossing one positive thing (e.g., props from your boss or a sweet e-mail from your boyfriend) into conversation. “We tend to downplay our successes because we don’t want to sound like a braggart, but sharing good news is uplifting,” says Diener. “Not only are you reflecting on something that made you feel awesome, but the other person is going to get excited for you, which gives you an even bigger lift.”

7 You Must Stop Mentally Browsing
We know you’ve been here: You’re sitting at a restaurant, menu in hand, when the deliberation begins: Chicken or fish? Chicken or fish? After angsting for 20 minutes, you go with the fish… and then sit there until the meal comes, wondering if you should’ve gone with the chicken. Okay, maybe this is a very mild version, but in life, we do this on a larger scale all the time. “We convince ourselves that there must be something better out there, but ‘mental browsing’ is a recipe for dissatisfaction,” says Schwartz. “You’re wasting time and energy on doubting a good move just because there was another option, or 10, that you didn’t choose. You’ll never be happy if you live like this.”
The solution? Whenever a decision is in doubt—like whether your current guy is The One—pick two characteristics that are important to you (in this case, maybe it’s a sense of humor and a close-knit family). Once your criteria are established, ask yourself if they’re being met. If so, forget other options and move on. You’ll know if another option is better for you because it’ll nag at you. So relax, you’ve made the right choice…or at least one that’s going to make you happy.

Top 10 reasons to smile

Smiling is a great way to make yourself stand out while helping your body to function better. Smile to improve your health, your stress level, and your attractiveness.

1. Smiling makes us attractive.

We are drawn to people who smile. There is an attraction factor. We want to know a smiling person and figure out what is so good. Frowns, scowls and grimaces all push people away -- but a smile draws them in.

2. Smiling Changes Our Mood

Next time you are feeling down, try putting on a smile. There's a good chance you mood will change for the better. Smiling can trick the body into helping you change your mood.

3. Smiling is Contagious

When someone is smiling they lighten up the room, change the moods of others, and make things happier. A smiling person brings happiness with them. Smile lots and you will draw people to you.

4. Smiling Relieves Stress

Stress can really show up in our faces. Smiling helps to prevent us from looking tired, worn down, and overwhelmed. When you are stressed, take time to put on a smile. The stress should be reduced and you'll be better able to take action.

5. Smiling Boosts Your Immune System

Smiling helps the immune system to work better. When you smile, immune function improves possibly because you are more relaxed. Prevent the flu and colds by smiling.

6. Smiling Lowers Your Blood Pressure

When you smile, there is a measurable reduction in your blood pressure. Give it a try if you have a blood pressure monitor at home. Sit for a few minutes, take a reading. Then smile for a minute and take another reading while still smiling. Do you notice a difference?

7. Smiling Releases Endorphins, Natural Pain Killers and Serotonin

Studies have shown that smiling releases endorphins, natural pain killers, and serotonin. Together these three make us feel good. Smiling is a natural drug.

8. Smiling Lifts the Face and Makes You Look Younger

The muscles we use to smile lift the face, making a person appear younger. Don't go for a face lift, just try smiling your way through the day -- you'll look younger and feel better.

9. Smiling Makes You Seem Successful

Smiling people appear more confident, are more likely to be promoted, and more likely to be approached. Put on a smile at meetings and appointments and people will react to you differently.

10. Smiling Helps You Stay Positive

Try this test: Smile. Now try to think of something negative without losing the smile. It's hard. When we smile our body is sending the rest of us a message that "Life is Good!" Stay away from depression, stress and worry by smiling.

(Dedicated this page to GG, my best friend, who always encourage me to SMILE. "Thank you, dear! Smile Please!")

Can Kitties Kiss? Just Look into Their Eyes ...

By Pam Johnson-Bennett

Posted at Yahoo! Tue, May 29, 2007, 10:00 am PDT

You may or may not be aware of cat kisses, but they're something cat lovers have talked about for years. Some believe in them and some don't. I happen to be a believer in the ever-subtle -- but extremely endearing -- cat kiss.

If you're envisioning your favorite feline puckering up and planting a whisker-tickling smooch on your cheek, you're on the wrong track. A cat kiss is actually a very slow blink of the cat's eyelids.

Cat kisses are given to other cats, and to some lucky humans. It's usually reserved for a companion with whom the cat is familiar and friendly. You can even return a cat kiss with your own slow blink.

The next time you're sitting on the couch and your kitty is relaxed on the chair across the room, pay close attention -- because she may be offering a cat kiss. Her posture will be relaxed with her facial muscles also relaxed. Her eyelids will ever-so-gently close and reopen. You've just been kissed!

Don't attempt cat kisses with unfamiliar cats or ones who are stressed and anxious. You don't want to offer a direct stare to an unhappy or conflicted kitty. Reserve cat kisses for those relaxed and happy moments with the cats in your life.

When my first child was a baby, I would exchange cat kisses with my cats while I was busy bottle-feeding my daughter. I believe it helped my cats feel connected to me while I was occupied doing things in which they couldn't participate.

Have you been kissed today?

Stop Sitting On The Fence!

Dithering about decisions wastes time, darin energy and add stress. Imagine how great you'd feel if you just did it now. Learn how to make up your-fast.

PRACTISE making small decisions. Making a choice that will have a big impact on your life is bound to be hard, because change involves an element of uncertainty and takes you out of your comfort zone.

“If you’re not a natural risk-taker, then taking that leap will be very unsettling,” says Pam Richardson, author of Life Coach: Become The Person You’ve Always Wanted To Be. “Also, once you make it final, your other options are out of reach.”

If you’re faced with something that’s just too big for STOP sitting on the fence! Dithering about decisions wastes time, drains energy and adds stress. Imagine how great you’d feel if you just did it now. Learn how to make up your mind – fast! you to tackle without having a minor nervous breakdown, then take the scenic route by splitting up that big decision into a series of smaller ones. “Choose the option that’s going to get you one step closer to your goal, and take action,” she advises.

Stay safe online

Keep logging on but keep savvy because the internet is a great hiding place for people who could be out to take advantage of you.

Controlling your image on social networks
The internet is a public space, and anyone can see the pictures or info you put up about yourself on your site. While it's great to be creative and individual, a good rule to remember is you should be just as happy for your mates to see your online name or profile picture as for your mum, maths teacher or the creepy guy who lives down the street to see it. If you're on MySpace, click the "no pic forwarding" option on your settings, or people can send images of you wherever they like without your consent. If you put up a sexy pic of yourself, some people out there might think you're up for some sexy chat, and that's when things can get dangerous!

Don't make it easy for weirdos
No one needs to see your email address or phone number online, so don't put it out there. Mates will have your number already and if they don't, they can send you a private message and you can respond personally. Any information about where you go to school, or pictures of you or your mates in uniform, will make it easy for someone to find you for a face-to-face meeting, invited or not, so be careful not to post pictures or info that can identify where you live. Using your last name can make you findable too, and even mentioning when or where you might be going to a party or gig can be an accidental invite. If your mates need directions, get them to call you or at least message you privately.

Trust your instincts
Don't be persuaded to give out information or send pictures to anyone online you don't know in ‘real life'. The second you feel weird about someone who's online with you or your friends, talk to the site administrator and go offline. If you're worried about someone online, talk to an adult you trust. If it seems serious and you're worried about your safety or a friend's safety, report it online at thinkuknow.net. If you're really scared and think someone knows where you are and is out to physically find you, go offline and call the police on 999.

Keep thinking
Go to www.thinkuknow.net for loads more tips on staying in control and keeping social networking and gaming fun. As well as how to make sure you get what you intend when downloading music files or podcasts, the site even shows you how to keep your computer safe form viruses.

Top Smile Savers and Spoilers

Somewhere in America right now, a student's science fair project is demonstrating cola's ability to eat through tooth enamel. It's not pretty. But soda isn't the only food that does a number on your grin. Here are some of your smile's worst enemies -- and best friends.

THE ENEMIES LIST
Soda, fruit juice, and sports drinks

Not only are they sugary, they're acidic, and that creates a perfect home for the bacteria that cause cavities and gum disease -- especially if you tend to sip on one or another of these drinks all day (who, us?). Acid-neutralizing saliva just can't keep up. The realistic fix Nobody's saying go cold turkey but for all-day swigging, choose water. Reserve these pick-me-ups for once-a-day use. And buy some straws -- sipping through them (try this trick) shrinks teeth-exposure time.

Sticky stuff

We're not just talking gooey caramels or fruit rollups. Bread, crackers, chips, sweet rolls, and other refined carbohydrates are nearly as likely to cling to teeth as a Tootsie Roll -- and they hang on for at least 20 minutes. Not good.

The realistic fix

Try to say no to sticky sweets and carbs when you can't brush afterward. Alternatively, slosh some water around in your mouth or chew a stick of sugarless gum that's sweetened with xylitol. The gum helps remove sticky food particles from your teeth, and xylitol curbs cavity causers and increases healthy saliva.

YOUR SMILE'S BEST FRIENDS

Cheese, please

Eating a bit of cheddar (or whatever) at the end of a meal helps protect teeth. It stimulates the production of cleansing saliva, plus the calcium in cheese helps harden teeth.

Crunchy things

Crisp apples, celery and carrots are nature's little toothbrush alternatives. Not only do they help rid your mouth of food particles but their rough, fibrous texture actually scrubs away as you chew, slightly brightening your smile.

Have a cuppa

Drinking tea after eating can help destroy the germs that cause cavities, gum disease, and phewy breath. That goes for both green and black teas.

Shiitake mushrooms

These delicate, delicious flavor-boosters contain lenitan, a plant substance that's anything but a lightweight: It fights both tooth plaque and the bacteria that live in it.

7 Secrets for Success

Business expert Lynne Franks tells how to come out on top
By Abby Ellin

1. Use the Internet

The Web is an invaluable research tool, especially for job seekers and entrepreneurs. Visit monster.com, where more than 50,000 available jobs are listed and you can elicit career advice from experts. Go to kforce.com for tips about resume writing, interviewing and asking for a raise. If you're an entrepreneur, check out inc.com to learn about writing a business plan and finding financing.

2. Assess Your Attributes

Make a list of your strengths and weaknesses. Then ask people who know you well -- and who will be honest -- to modify it. Finally, think about how you can use each attribute for your benefit. For example, if you are always restless, consider finding a job that includes travel.

3. Overcome Your Fears

To reach your potential, it's critical that you conquer any fears you might have. Start by forcing yourself to tackle something unrelated to work, something that you've never dared to do. For example, I used to fear going to the movies by myself, but one day I just did it. After accomplishing this challenge, your old phobia will seem silly, like mine did, and you'll have more self-confidence. Use this to face your fears at the office, such as public speaking, one by one.

4. Declutter Your Life

Getting organized will let you free up your mind and gain clarity. In addition to clearing out your desk and files, clean your computer desktop by trashing old emails and documents. To eliminate paper pileup, use an electric organizer. Also organize personal things, like your wallet, makeup bag and clothing closet.

5. Protect Your Sanity

Being stress-free is key for warding off burnout. Try doing at least one physical activity a day. Also, create a quiet space in your home where you can relax; go there for at least five minutes each day.

6. Don't Trust Blindly

Not everyone you work with is necessarily on your side. Be careful whom you rely upon and whom you confide in.

7. Be True to Your Values

Ask yourself: How do I want to live my life? Then think about whether your company allows you to do this. If it doesn't, consider a job change.

Lynne Franks is a seasoned PR pro and the author of The Seed Handbook (Putnam; 2000). Log on to http://www.lynnefranks.com/ for more career advice.

Superman: Kryptonite