The body language of cats

Cats make wonderful pets, either for family or someone living alone. Understanding their body language can help you figure out what your pet is thinking.

Dedicated cat owners will tell you that their feline “babies” are expert at communicating their needs (and wants) to their owners. While cat personalities are as diverse as their color patterns, they all share certain types of body language that you can rely upon to help gauge the mood of your favorite feline.

Cats are finicky, not just in their food choices, but also in their people preferences. If they are treated well, most cats will become as attached to their human families as dogs will, and they’ll demonstrate that affection in many small ways. By being alert to the signals your pet is sending to you, you can reinforce these behaviors and create a long and satisfying relationship with your pet. Cat body language is not difficult to interpret, but here’s a little help for beginners.

Arched back – If your cat’s fur is standing on end while he’s arching his back, either something has frightened him, or he’s ready for battle. If an aggressive cat has received enough of a fright, his arched back and fluffed fur is a sign that he will attack. Don’t make the mistake of thinking that your cat won’t bite or scratch you if you try to pick him up when he’s in this mood. Instinct takes over, and he won’t be able to control his fighting impulses even though he’d never scratch or bite his human friend under normal circumstances. If you have to remove him from a dangerous situation, either throw a blanket over him before picking him up or spray him with water from a spray bottle. Do not try to handle him until he calms down. Sometimes cats, especially kittens, will arch their back and fluff their fur in play. Usually when this happens, they’ll do a little dance backwards or sideways on their toes as they try to interest a playmate to join them. An aggressive cat will growl and hiss.

Kneading – Usually accompanied by purring, kneading indicates a contented kitty. Experts say that kneading is a habit leftover from that happy time when your pet was a kitten and kneading stimulated milk flow from the mother cat. Adult cats that are heavily into kneading will sometimes accompany it with drooling and a gentle kicking action of their hind legs.

Leg rubbing – This is the primary and most common display of “I love you” that your cat can bestow upon you. Cats have sebaceous glands on their faces that secrete a distinctive smell, which is undetectable by humans. Your cat is covering you with these pheromones and marking you for her very own. It doesn’t matter if she’s rubbing against your legs or indulging in a little head butting, the process and intent are the same.

Purring – Purring usually is a sign of contentment, but it can mean other things as well. It can be used to comfort in times of stress or pain.

Eye Contact:
- Wide opened eyes show that your cat is alert and interested in his surroundings.
- If he looks directly at you with his eyes half-closed, he’s feeling lovable and wouldn’t mind being petted.
- Eyes opened only to narrow slits show he’s feeling tense about something, possibly an imminent attack from another cat.

Ear Signals:
Perked – If kitty’s ears are up or forward, she’s curious about whatever she’s looking at.
Back – Look out. She is not a happy camper.

Tail Talk:
Quivering – We had a cat once that would back up against us, bump his hip up against us, straighten his tail as high as it would go, stand still and quiver it. Some cat lovers believe this is the best display of affection that your cat can show you.

Twitching – There’s something exciting outside that window. Maybe a bird swooped in close, or a squirrel scampered by. Maybe even another cat or the neighbor’s dog had the nerve to trespass in your yard while your cat was engaged in her favorite pastime, windowsill sitting.

Swishing – Small movements can indicate excitement, similar to twitching, while broad swishing mean she’s annoyed about something. If she’s swishing her tail in an agitated manner, it’s best to leave her alone until she settles down.

Bad Kitty:
Biting – Just because your cat is lying on her back in a spot of sun on the floor doesn’t mean that she would enjoy a tummy rub. Some cats enjoy tummy rubs, but others will grab your hand with their paws and bite. Tummies are sensitive areas for cats, and if you have one that enjoys a good rub, consider it a great compliment that she trusts you with the most vulnerable part of her body.

Scratching – When your cat shreds the curtains or the living room upholstery, most likely she’s not just trying to annoy you. Scratching comes naturally to cats. It’s how they trim their claws in the wild and exercise their back muscles by stretching. Cats love to sit at windows, and often their claws will catch on the draperies. As they try to shake their paw loose, the curtain will suffer for the experience. Vertical blinds can eliminate this problem. They shed cat fur and will move to allow your pet entry to the windowsill. Providing kitty with a sisal or carpet scratch post as soon as you get her will encourage her to use that instead of your furniture when she feels the need to scratch. Some cats will, however, do things to get attention and make a game of running away before you can catch up to them. Try to be consistent and use a water spray bottle to discourage unwanted behavior.

Stalking – If you notice your pet peeking out at you from around a doorway as you walk past, be careful. You’ve been designated the prey for a game of hunting. You can expect a sneak attack from the rear as you walk down the hallway. People with mobility and balance problems need to be extra careful if they discover that their cat enjoys this type of game.

Cats are wonderful creatures and make loving family pets. With a lot of love and a little common sense, you and your cat can enjoy many happy moments together.

(Dedicated this page to Tennoo)

Secrets of the laugh in flirting, dating and relationships

The laugh is related more to speech than to emotions and is used in social settings with others. People seldom laugh when not with others. We use the laugh as a nonverbal punctuation to our speech. The laugh is usually produced in response to embarrassment, excitement, or humor. Laughter provides relief from stress by releasing pain-killing, euphoria-producing endorphins, enkephalins, dopamine, noradrenaline and adrenaline. Socially, laughter unites us as friendly allies against outsiders and against forces beyond our control. In groups of children, women or men, laughter strengthens bonds of comradeship.

Unlike the smile, which is more related to old brain limbic system survival and mating instincts, the laugh comes from the new brain frontal lobes, as well as centers of the motor and cognitive cerebral cortex. These are relatively recent additions in our new brain evolutionary development. This means that the laugh has much to do with our speech punctuation and is more controllable than the real smile. This is both good and bad. The good side is that we can consciously control our laughter and even practice and improve it for most effectiveness as communication in our daily relationships. The bad side is it can be used inappropriately in social settings.

It is not uncommon for someone under stress to laugh too much and too loud, much to the annoyance of others. Unfortunately they stand out in negative ways they are not aware of and they sabotage possibly good relationships. The person who is laughing too much and too loud is showing they are nervous and uncomfortable. They are trying to tell others to relax and be comfortable with them. This is just to compensate for their own emotional stress and discomfort.

Laughter may be triggered by something we see, hear, or feel, but rarely by smell or taste. Often it involves a complex or clever situation that only intellectual understanding brings out the humor or absurdity that makes us laugh. This is not the old brain limbic system working and therefore most likely is not related to our survival or mating instincts. Laughter is much more complex.

Laughter has beneficial health effects according to Teresa Holley at the National Naval Medical Center Health Promotion. Scientific research now indicates the curative and stress-relieving power of laughter extends well beyond what was previously thought. During a hearty laugh, there is a slight rise in heart rate and blood pressure. Then after the laugh, the blood pressure sinks below pre-laugh levels. Also the brain may release pain-relieving hormones. A good strong laugh also provides a massage for the facial muscles, the diaphragm and abdomen. In his book "Anatomy of An Illness," Norman Cousins cited laughter as an effective tool for promoting the healing process. He states, "Laughter is internal jogging."

Our personal laugh is a true social language art that deserves practicing and improving just as we have to practice talking and public speaking. Developing a good laugh can provide you with a valuable tool for improving your flirting, dating and all other relationships. According to one national magazine survey, more than anything else on a first date, women want men to make them laugh.

6 Reasons Why We Lie

We all lie, but why do we lie?

Sure, lying is both useful and sometimes even fun, yet there are fundamental reasons why we lie.

These main reasons are:
1. Fear of harm: The easiest reason to understand why we lie is for self protection, including self deception, to prevent harm to ourselves. This harm can be either physical or mental.

2. Fear of conflict: To some degree, we all fear having an argument.

3. Fear of punishment: When growing up, how often did we lie about how well we did in school, or who started a fight? How often do we cover up our mistakes and transgressions?

4. Fear of rejection: Sometimes, our insecurities are the foundation of why we lie to each other, because we want to be remain popular in our relationships. Typically, it is harmless boasting to make ourselves appear more admirable to other people.

5. Fear of loss: This is usually the loss of personal objects, such as money or expensive valuables. Greed is the foundation for this reason and can be found in each of us. We often lie to make ourselves more desirable to other people too. Most common, people lie for fear of losing an opportunity to have sex. Other times, when our self esteem starts to decline, we even lie to ourselves as means to prevent loss of morale.

6. Altruistic Reasons: We often lie to help our friends and loved ones. How often do we flattery someone just to make them feel better? This is the only selfless reason why we lie.

Despite all the technical reasons why people lie, it all boils down to this:
The fundamental reason why people lie is because it mostly works.And because lying has become more understood in today’s society, lying has become more acceptable. It has sometimes even become an admirable and useful social skill. That is the Truth about Lies.

Articles from Phil for Humanity

Many people have no idea what a good relationship is all about. Here are the basic ingredients for a healthy intimate relationship.
By:Hara Estroff Marano

Human beings crave intimacy, need to love and be loved. Yet people have much trouble doing so.

It's clear from the many letters I get that lots of folks have no idea what a healthy relationship even looks like. So I'm using this space as an attempt to remedy the problem.

From many sources and many experts, I have culled some basic rules of relationships. This is by no means an exhaustive list. But it's a start. Print them out and pin them up on your refrigerator door.

1. Choose a partner wisely and well. We are attracted to people for all kinds of reasons. They remind us of someone from our past. They shower us with gifts and make us feel important. Evaluate a potential partner as you would a friend; look at their character, personality, values, their generosity of spirit, the relationship between their words and actions, their relationships with others.

2. Know your partner's beliefs about relationships. Different people have different and often conflicting beliefs about relationships. You don't want to fall in love with someone who expects lots of dishonesty in relationships; they'll create it where it doesn't exist.

3. Don't confuse sex with love. Especially in the beginning of a relationship, attraction and pleasure in sex are often mistaken for love.

4. Know your needs and speak up for them clearly. A relationship is not a guessing game. Many people, men as well as women, fear stating their needs and, as a result, camouflage them. The result is disappointment at not getting what they want and anger at a partner for not having met their (unstated) needs. Closeness cannot occur without honesty. Your partner is not a mind reader.

5. View yourselves as a team, which means you are two unique individuals bringing different perspectives and strengths. That, according to relationship expert Diane Sollee, M.S.W., director of SmartMarriages, an international effort to teach relationship skills to couples, is the value of a team—your differences.

6. Know how to respect and manage differences; it's the key to success in a relationship. Disagreements don't sink relationships. Name-calling does. Learn how to handle the negative feelings that are the unavoidable byproduct of the differences between two people. Stonewalling or avoiding conflicts is NOT managing them.

7. If you don't understand or like something your partner is doing, ask about it and why he or she is doing it. Talk and explore, don't assume.

8. Solve problems as they arise. Don't let resentments simmer. Most of what goes wrong in relationships can be traced to hurt feelings, leading partners to erect defenses against one another and to become strangers. Or enemies.

9. Learn to negotiate. Modern relationships no longer rely on roles cast by the culture. Couples create their own roles, so that virtually every act requires negotiation. It works best when good will prevails. Because people's needs are fluid and change over time, and life's demands change too, good relationships are negotiated and renegotiated all the time.

10. Listen, truly listen, to your partner's concerns and complaints without judgment. Much of the time, just having someone listen is all we need. It opens the door to confiding. And empathy is crucial. Look at things from your partner's perspective as well as your own.

11. Work hard at maintaining closeness. Closeness doesn't happen by itself. In its absence, people drift apart and are susceptible to affairs. A good relationship isn't an end goal; it's a lifelong process maintained through regular attention.

12. Take a long-range view. A marriage is an agreement to spend a future together. Check out your dreams with each other regularly to make sure you're both on the same path. Update your dreams regularly.

13. Never underestimate the power of good grooming.

14. Sex is good. Pillow talk is better. Sex is easy, intimacy is difficult. It requires honesty, openness, self-disclosure, confiding concerns, fears, sadnesses as well as hopes and dreams.

15. Never go to sleep angry. Try a little tenderness.

16. Apologize, apologize, apologize. Anyone can make a mistake. Repair attempts are crucial—highly predictive of marital happiness. They can be clumsy or funny, even sarcastic—but willingness to make up after an argument is central to every happy marriage.

17. Some dependency is good, but complete dependency on a partner for all one's needs is an invitation to unhappiness for both partners. We're all dependent to a degree—on friends, mentors, spouses—and men have just as many dependency needs as women.

18. Maintain self-respect and self-esteem. It's easier for someone to like you and to be around you when you like yourself. Research has shown that the more roles people fill, the more sources of self-esteem they have. Meaningful work—paid or volunteer—has long been one of the most important ways to exercise and fortify a sense of self.

19. Enrich your relationship by bringing into it new interests from outside the relationship. The more passions in life that you have and share, the richer your relationship will be. It is unrealistic to expect one person to meet all of your needs in life.

20. Cooperate, cooperate, cooperate. Share responsibilities. Relationships work ONLY when they are two-way streets, with much give and take.

21. Stay open to spontaneity.

22. Maintain your energy. Stay healthy.

23. Recognize that all relationships have their ups and downs and do not ride at a continuous high all the time. No relationship is perfect all the time. Working together through the hard times will make the relationship stronger.

24. Make good sense of a bad relationship by examining it as a reflection of your beliefs about yourself. Don't just run away from a bad relationship; you'll only repeat it with the next partner. Use it as a mirror to look at yourself, to understand what part of you is creating this relationship. Change yourself before you change your relationship.

25. Understand that love is not an absolute, not a limited commodity that you're in of or out of. Says Sollee: It's a feeling that ebbs and flows depending on how you treat each other. If you learn new ways to interact, the feelings can come flowing back, often stronger than before.

Time to Set Kids' Back-to-School Sleep Clocks

FRIDAY, Aug. 17 (HealthDay News) -- Sleep experts are reminding parents that establishing regular sleep habits should be included on children's back-to-school lists.

Children should gradually start adjusting their sleep schedules about two weeks prior to the start of the new school year, according to the National Sleep Foundation. Children need adequate sleep in order to be alert and energized and able to perform their best at school.

"Kids tend to sleep and wake up later during the summer, making the transition to the school-year sleep schedule difficult. As tempting as it is to enjoy sleeping late in the final days of summer break, getting up earlier for school will be much easier if kids begin adjusting their sleep schedules now," Richard Gelula, CEO of the NSF, said in a prepared statement.

The NSF offers the following sleep tips for the start of the school and the rest of the school year:

- Beginning two weeks to 10 days before the start of school, gradually adjust children to earlier sleep and wake times in order to set their biological clocks for the new schedule.
- Keep a regular sleep schedule on weekdays and avoid extreme changes in the routine on weekends.
- Establish a relaxing bedtime routine, such as reading before bed.
- Do not have televisions, computers, video games or other electronics in the bedroom. Don't let children watch television or use electronic devices during the half hour before bedtime.
- Limit caffeine intake, especially after lunch.
- Make sure children eat well and exercise

The NSF also offered sleep advice for parents:

- Set a good example. By adopting good sleep habits, your children are less likely to develop bad sleep habits.
- Talk to children about the importance of healthy sleep and the consequences of sleepiness, such as drowsy driving.
- Parents need to understand that children, including teens, need more sleep than adults.
- Children who have trouble waking in the morning on more than three days a week, or who snore, may not be getting enough sleep. They may need to be evaluated by a specialist.
- Ask teachers whether your child is alert or sleepy during class. If there appears to be a problem, take steps to improve your child's sleep.

More information
The Nemours Foundation has more about children and sleep.

Has Downloading Gone Too Far?

With the use of BitTorrents skyrocketing, has downloading gone too far?

According to many in Tinseltown, this is probably the most dire period in the history of the entertainment industry. The source of all these woes can be traced to the success of another institution: the internet. Yes, in recent weeks, not only have blockbuster projects such as the final Harry Potter book, The Simpsons Movie and fall TV shows from each of the major networks been leaked and downloaded online, but newly released opinion polls also indicate that up to 91% of downloaders intend to continue downloading because they believe that “it’s free.”

Do you think that downloading has gone too far?

by AskMen.com Editors

7 Secrets to Happiness

True joy--not quickie mood boosts but that totally stoked mental state--boils down to these surprising essentials. Behold, your ticket to bliss.
By Meaghan Buchan

We live in a world where there are endless possibilities. Think about it: As women, we have a billion options when it comes to careers, relationships, clothes...hell, even groovy exercise classes. And yet, we’re more bummed out than ever before. Proof: When Americans were surveyed in the 1950s, 53 percent said they were “very happy,” but by the late 1990s, it was down to 30 percent. “Intuitively, having so many choices should make you happier, but it can actually make you feel worse,” says Barry Schwartz, PhD, author of The Paradox of Choice: Why More Is Less. “The more options you have, the higher your expectations, and when your expectations are sky-high, you’re destined for disappointment… no matter how good things get.”
So if such abundance doesn’t make us happy, then what does flip our bliss switch? Is it adopting the lifestyle before we had so many life options? Not entirely. Our parents grew up with fewer choices to make, but assuming their life goals isn’t the answer, because the world isn’t the same place today. The key is actually a mix of things, some timeless and some that relate to this generation. Here, the essential elements.

1 You Need a Solid Core Group of Friends
Look at Carrie from Sex and the City. Through everything from Post-it note breakups to snapped stilettos, she is generally one happy camper. Why? She has her posse. “Friendship is one of life’s main joys,” says David Niven, PhD, author of The 100 Simple Secrets of Happy People. “Spending time with people who really know you affords you the freedom to be yourself, which increases contentment.”
But you don’t need to be the founding member of your own fab four to be happy. “You can have a small close-knit gang or various friends that factor into different areas of your life but aren’t necessarily part of the same group,” says Niven. “What matters most is that you feel open with them and they can be open with you.”
Of course, establishing openness doesn’t just happen. Friendships need nurturing. “In order for the relationship to grow, you have to share bits of your more private thoughts,” says Niven. Maybe that means spilling your secret desire to, say, audition for American Idol. “Once you reveal more of yourself and see that these friends accept you for who you really are, you’ll feel connected and therefore happier,” adds Niven.

2 You Gotta Have Adventures
Quick: Recall your favorite college memory. A hundred bucks says it wasn’t that time you studied really, really hard and got an A minus on your Chem 101 exam. The, um, yum incident with the teacher’s assistant in the lab after class ranks a little higher, no? Thought so. And that’s the point. “If everything you did in life was safe, you’d never have any exhilarating moments or crazy experiences to recall, both of which give you the sense that you’re truly living,” explains Brian Luke Seaward, PhD, author of Quiet Mind, Fearless Heart.
Now, we’re not suggesting that you totally hurl caution to the wind, but don’t get hung up on always staying on the straight and narrow. “People assume that doing the right thing leads to happiness, but actually taking risks does,” says Seaward. For you, that might entail going off on a three-day weekend with a new guy or just wearing that extraslinky minidress.

3 It’s Time to Toss Excess Stuff
If you can barely scrape together enough change to spring for that $4 latte, you’ll love this: Money (and all the crap that you can buy with it) won’t bring you happiness. In fact, when wealthy Americans were surveyed, they reported being only marginally happier than the general public. “When you have limitless funds, you tend to be hellbent on accumulating more,” says New York clinical psychiatrist Janet Taylor. “In the process, you lose the ability to appreciate what you do own and have difficulty feeling fulfilled.”
And you don’t need to be a gazillionaire to get caught in this trap. The problem might be that you just can’t seem to throw anything out. Like your favorite sweater from your high school days, that (hello!) is from the damn Gap, not specially knit by Grandma. “Extra belongings weigh us down and crowd our space, making us feel overwhelmed and disorganized,” says Dr. Taylor. “Lightening up will help you regain control and, therefore, happiness.”
On that lighter note, now is the perfect moment to purge. You don’t have to clean house completely, but you should hold on only to stuff you Love (with a capital L). “If you haven’t used or admired something in six months, part with it. No guilt allowed,” she insists. To be clear: That doesn’t mean stacking things in a giveaway pile in the corner of your room. It entails bagging up the items and disposing of them ASAP—whether you donate them to Goodwill or swap ’em on eBay.

4 A Balance of Busy and Dead Time Is Key
Always zipping around in spaz mode without a second to spare for even a pee break is bound to take a toll on your mood. But so is idling the day away on the couch. “Overextending yourself induces stress, yet it also makes you feel productive, like you’re contributing something, which is very important to happiness,” says Niven. “Similarly, inactivity breeds boredom, which inspires feelings of uselessness and discontent, but lulls are vital.” Essentially, all go-gogo will wipe you out, as will a solid diet of nada, but a mix of both? Bingo!
Okay, so how do you strike the perfect balance? Fill your days with stuff you love (your Tuesday-night step class) and stuff you have to do (balancing your checkbook). Just keep in mind that at the end of the day, you want to feel like “you’ve accomplished something but that you’ve also relaxed,” says Niven. Of course, the toughest part for most of us is learning to let go. For you, it might be enough to vow not to dwell on work after-hours or to schedule regular vacations. Others find meditation helpful. No, you don’t need to lie in the dark, chanting om for 10 hours. A quick eight minutes is all it takes, according to Victor Davich, author of 8 Minute Meditation. To do: Start by sitting upright with your hands on your thighs, palms up. Close your eyes and take a deep breath. Hold it for a two second count, then release, letting your breath ease into its natural rhythm. Focus on keeping this concentration for the eight-minute span and you’ll feel lighter instantly. Really.

5 It’s Crucial to Give In to Temptation
You log overtime at work, hit the gym religiously, stick to a low-fat, no-fun diet, and even remember birthdays. Or maybe you aren’t quite so type A. But you still get to work on time, kiss your boss’s ass when you’d rather kick it, and play nice to your folks. Face it, making it in this world takes some serious discipline, regardless of your personality profile. “The pressure to keep up is so exhausting that it would seem like the payoff for showing such restraint would be great,” says Seaward. “But if you don’t stop to savor something pleasurable, you’re going to wind up miserable.”
Clearly, you must indulge. Some thoughts: Splurge on a gourmet sandwich one day for lunch instead of brown bagging it. Surf the Web rather than returning that hundredth e-mail. Get the deluxe spa pedicure. “When you feel completely overwhelmed, that’s actually when you need to treat yourself the most,” says Seaward.

6 Liking Yourself Is Nonnegotiable
Since you’re human, you have no doubt had one of those “Omigod! I can’t believe I said that” moments, followed by a “Stupid, stupid, stupid” fist to the forehead. Like, say, the time you introduced your guy to Bob the CEO at the office barbecue, only Bob’s name is actually Bill. Then you spent the rest of the night harping on what an idiot you are. “We tend to beat ourselves up, but it’s necessary to let ourselves off the hook,” says Ed Diener, PhD, professor of psychology and leading happiness researcher at the University of Illinois at Urbana-Champaign. “Inevitably, you’re going to make mistakes, and yet you still have to like yourself.”
The same holds true for those so-called physical imperfections that you let deflate you. You know, the slight crook in your nose that you swear makes you a prime candidate for The Swan. We can all point to 10 things that are wrong with us, but the key to happiness is appreciating yourself despite them, adds Diener.
And that ain’t easy. But it’s important to learn to keep your inner critic in check. So for every time you get down on yourself, remind yourself of something you excel at and get comfortable talking yourself up by tossing one positive thing (e.g., props from your boss or a sweet e-mail from your boyfriend) into conversation. “We tend to downplay our successes because we don’t want to sound like a braggart, but sharing good news is uplifting,” says Diener. “Not only are you reflecting on something that made you feel awesome, but the other person is going to get excited for you, which gives you an even bigger lift.”

7 You Must Stop Mentally Browsing
We know you’ve been here: You’re sitting at a restaurant, menu in hand, when the deliberation begins: Chicken or fish? Chicken or fish? After angsting for 20 minutes, you go with the fish… and then sit there until the meal comes, wondering if you should’ve gone with the chicken. Okay, maybe this is a very mild version, but in life, we do this on a larger scale all the time. “We convince ourselves that there must be something better out there, but ‘mental browsing’ is a recipe for dissatisfaction,” says Schwartz. “You’re wasting time and energy on doubting a good move just because there was another option, or 10, that you didn’t choose. You’ll never be happy if you live like this.”
The solution? Whenever a decision is in doubt—like whether your current guy is The One—pick two characteristics that are important to you (in this case, maybe it’s a sense of humor and a close-knit family). Once your criteria are established, ask yourself if they’re being met. If so, forget other options and move on. You’ll know if another option is better for you because it’ll nag at you. So relax, you’ve made the right choice…or at least one that’s going to make you happy.